To everyone just finding out, I hosted a party.

I want to make it clear that this was a long long time ago.

Ensure you read to the end and you will be convinced that exceptional doesn’t even begin to describe my event.

It was one of a kind, with a touch of uniqueness and it lasted for days.

It was my self pity party, one held in honour of my emotions. No invitation cards were sent out, hence, why you’re only just finding out and no guests were present. This guaranteed that I remained the centre of attention without the unsolicited judgement and mockery from those in attendance.

However, a banquet was prepared and seats reserved for my emotions, past mistakes, regrets, disappointments and most importantly negativity. Oh! I ensured negativity was seated so close to me because I didn’t want the darkness looming over me to lift. I didn’t want my party to end. I needed time to go over the long list of failures I had prepared beforehand- to chew and mull over them.

And chew and mull over them I did, for as long as the party lasted, with no one to criticise me.

At the end of each day, a personage-my VVIP– arrived just in time, giving us all a final act. With every arrival, it left me with tired puffy eyes, croaky voice, aching head and wet face. Nevertheless, it was always welcomed.

Finally, on that fateful day, the day I decided to call off my party, I came to terms with a new realisation- tired, puffy eyes didn’t look good on me. It was one of the ‘truths’ I reluctantly accepted when I looked at the being staring back at me. In that moment, I despised my VVIP and wanted it out. My exhausted brain reminded me that I was the host, I had the power to choose what/who I wanted to be in attendance and it was up to me to put an end to this or carry on. If I don’t want a party, then one won’t take place!

I had power to disperse the crowd I had garnered and to re-pick my invitees.

All sat there and glared at me disappointingly like they had wasted their time being with me. My new found realisation was a threat to their existence and so slowly, they began to disperse one by one into the abyss from which they emerged. From then henceforth, I gradually reminded myself of the ‘million and one’ reasons why I was better than what I faced, and that being downcast wasn’t the way out.

And so, here I am telling you it’s time to call off yours! STOP going over what should/could/would have been. It’s your life and you can decide what to do with it. It may not seem like it but trust me when I say you still have the strength to get out of that place of consistent pain and despondence.

You are stronger and better than all the things that have gone wrong-call to mind each day positive truths about your life and remove your focus from the negativity that lurks around, seek help if you need to, speak to reliable family and friends if you need affirmations from an external source, and please, pray always!

Remember, it’s all up to you; If you don’t want a party, then one won’t take place!