It’s the quiet hours of the morning.

I hear tree branches swaying with the gentle wind, whispering words only they understand, the birds chirping away, contributing to the morning songs. I look out through my window, observing the sky as a blue comforting blanket pulled over creation. I see the sun, vying for my attention, making itself seen as it strains to make a hole in the blanket, thus staining it a golden yellow. I feel the urge to be a part of nature’s finest, partaking in whatever rituals they do as the rest of mankind remains still.

Suddenly, the corner of my bedroom where I consider to be my place of solitude feels depressing and the overwhelming feeling of being trapped begins to rise in me. I heard myself whisper, ‘you have to get out of this ‘grey room’ but I need someplace quiet, where I can think and ponder on the reason why I have been awake throughout the night, worrying my head about life. I began to yearn for fresh air and for the warmth of that glistening sun to kiss my skin, I yearn for its touch and nothing else. So I get ready and decide to take a stroll outside.

As I step out the front door, the fresh morning air stings my nostrils, awakening me. Well, no wonder the flowers and birds are awake!. I thought to myself, it’s unusually quiet this morning but my mind disagrees- ‘it’s always quiet, it replied, but lately, you have repeatedly failed to notice because I am always clouded with many thoughts, thoughts of the past, present and future. You give me no time to rest and even when I am excited about night time, hoping you will eventually become exhausted and collapse asleep in that little corner of yours, you don’t!. You remain awake, carry on thinking and when morning comes, I am exhausted but guess what, I can’t rest because you need me to carry on with the new day’s activities- c’mon, gimme a break!’

‘Alright, alright I will try my best to get some sleep tonight’ I replied back. A smile cuts through my lips as I realize how ridiculous it must be for me to be having a conversation with my mind or should I say, for my mind to be having ‘a go at me’. I’m definitely losing the plot. During that brief moment, it was as if a fingertip of peace touched my heart and I felt like I was one with my mind again. For a while now, I have been feeling detached from all my body parts, seeing them as an added burden to my previous, current, and future problems. Now, you may be wondering, what plagues this being?. As I carried on walking, trying to still my thoughts inorder for me to understand the conversation going on between the wind and trees (with no success), I attempted to answer that question too.

Questions of life! I believe questions you reading this as well may ask yourself sometimes. Why do bad things happen to me and the people I love, how on earth do I fend for my family, is there God and if He does exist, why can’t He just come down and save us all from all the ongoing injustice and from the people who oppress us, why do I have to go to a job I hate so much and have to stand annoying colleagues and boss, what happens when I die, is there an afterlife, why is the sky blue and the grass green, why can’t I be free like the birds and trees and insects, caring less about this world and having not to worry about anything else including myself. (Oh, our poor brains, so much worrying in our short lives).

I don’t know about you, but some of my worries sometimes feel scary especially if I have to make big decisions that can impact my future. I mean, I’m very young and people often say that I should live wild and free, enjoying the freedom I have now because I have got nothing to worry about (not yet anyway). Little do they know that they lie!. I have always replied back that young adults(and teenagers of course) are often faced with a lot of decisions to make so we often worry a lot as well. We have to make decisions about what college/university to go to, if it’s a wise decision dating that boy/girl who we have a crush on, what kind of friends to hang out with, how we can prioritize so we can save some money for essentials, what to wear so that we look flattering enough, what career path to embark on, job offer to take and will it be the right fit?. Personally, what and what not to eat so I don’t put the weight on falls on this list-trust me, you might think that this isn’t relevant, but wait till the finger-licking aroma of KFC or any fast food hits you, the joy of consuming a tub of body cooling icecream or a sumptuous, steaming plate of Nigerian/Ghanaian Jollof in front of you. And I mean coupled with the daily thoughts of engulfing them on your mind. I can testify that it’s hard work not to indulge when food is all you can think about – hahaha.

However, the beauty of it all is that when we make the right decision, we get a sense of independence, a feeling of control and definitely live our lives to the fullest. We end up with the best of friends, have a wonderful time and scale through college actually enjoying studying (haha, just kidding-its not so much fun if the years are long), we meet the love of our lives and the list goes on. Now, another question arises(see what I mean about questions of life -it’s unending!!!)-how do I know if I am making the right decisions?.

As a Christian, this is where my faith comes in. I know to trust. You may wonder and ask, ‘why then do you stay awake at night if you have a God you can trust?’. I like to differentiate the words ‘knowing’ and ‘believing’. Note that I said ‘I know to trust God’. The ‘believing’ part is where my faith gets tested. I believe that being a Christian is a continuous journey, growing and becoming better each day. Of course, there will be times when I feel so alone with no one to go to, not even my parents or friends but I ‘know’ I have a heavenly Father who sees me wherever I am and however I am. I know that I dwell on a rock and have a foundation, therefore, I ‘believe’ my knowledge. And so, when that lonely feeling strikes, I reaffirm my knowledge and belief in God by returning to His promises in the Bible, seeking His face and His help.

Just like that faithful morning when I took that walk, I also made a conscious decision to look around me and appreciate that there is a power greater than whatever disturbs my precious head. I am being reminded of His love for me when I see the trees, insects, birds, and flowers(Matthew 6:25-34). I’m reminded that beyond that blue blanket, there is a God who cares. I recite to myself the reckless, abundant, never-ending, love God had, has, and will continue to have for me.

And so, I don’t feel alone anymore but ‘know’ and ‘believe’ that though my problems may still linger around me, finding a way to get me worrying about them again, I have a God who will provide solutions to them at the appropriate time.

So, instead of worrying about these recent thoughts, I decide to enjoy my morning walk before the rest of humanity awakens, believing my God sees me. Then, it suddenly hits me that the fingertip of peace I felt within me, that was the Spirit of my God saying, ‘chill my child, I am in control…’

And alas!, my mind smiles and is happy because it knows it doesn’t have to wait for night time to get a good rest, it knows I am definitely going to fall asleep the minute I return home.